Just Sayin’: 98, Life Transitions can be Challenging

How are you?  Isn’t life interesting?  The true character of a person appears when life is challenging.

It’s really noisy out there with people disagreeing on many different topics, two wars, the ongoing management of viruses and just life in general.  My head has been in a fog for at least 3 months.  It’s the best way that I can describe my thoughts or lack of thoughts.  Actually, that isn’t true.  I never stop thinking.  The information seems to bounce around in my head, zigging and zagging, in lots of different patterns.  I am journaling.  The actual practice of writing each morning does help me organize my memories, concerns and hope for the future.

Earlier this year, I decided to sell my home that is too large for one person.  I did most of the household maintenance and yard work myself.  Of course, I needed help at times but over the years, I have done most of it.  I had a ceramic studio there too.  For 15 years, I have made ceramic work there and at the C2C Gallery in town.  In August, I shut the studio down, packed it  and my household goods.  Everything has been placed in storage.  Leo and I have been renting homes while our new house  and studio is being completed.

cyndi waving from porch

The new location is exactly what I have been dreaming of for years.  It is a work/live concept.  I will have my studio on the ground level.  Just think 2000 pounds of clay can be delivered and wheeled directly into my studio.  Leo and I will live on the second floor.  There will be two decks for me to greet the day and then, end the day on.  We will have a small outdoor gathering place for planting greenery.  So, no more big yard to take care of.  I will be able to focus on just my ceramics, staying healthy, community, visiting my children and friends, and traveling.

In the last three months, my mom died.  My reaction and the emotions attached to her death have surprised me.  I have felt the need to turn inward.  Usually, I devour books.  I haven’t been able to read a single book until just recently.  I couldn’t concentrate.  I thought I would use this time to draw, plan new surface decoration and forms.  Instead, Leo and I have been walking a lot.  We walk so much that there have been many times that he has sat down and looked at me as if I was crazy to take another step.  (Of course, we had to.  We had to walk back to our rental unit.) Then, I leave Leo in the rental and head to the gym.  I walk some more and then lift weights.  At 63 years of age, I have read that lifting weights is almost more important than aerobic exercise.  I am trying to fight aging.  Being a clay artist, we lift 50 pound boxes of clay and heavy buckets of glaze.  Staying strong is important.

The fog is starting to lift.  I am not complaining.  Just observing my reaction to these days and this time in my life.  I told a friend today that I feel as if a mother’s death is another rite of passage.  It must be endured and you must go through it.  I am now the oldest generation and I am surprised to be in this position.  I still feel as though I should be 35.  But, wait!  I have a son who is 41 years old.

I have learned that I will better understand a friend’s grief now.  I thought I did but I really didn’t.  I have had many people tell me that over the years, they remember conversations with my mom in the gallery.  They shared what they talked about and it has made me smile.  My mom was so smart, very interested in the world around her, kind, and always supported all of my efforts. I found this picture of her at my middle son’s wedding.  The joy was so evident.  We all need make space for joy.

joy

So, life’s transitions are challenging.  Because we are human, life is always evolving.  We can count on it.  I am looking forward to get back into the studio and making new ceramic work. I hope your life is fairly even keel and that you have the time to play.  Please visit me and  just maybe fall in love with one of my pieces.

2 replies on “Just Sayin’: 98, Life Transitions can be Challenging

  • George Postmus

    This is so well written and just so on target! I have read your material each time it arrives! I to have experienced stops in my painting but refresh when I enter my studio. It has been my outlet as Mary and I travel the road to the coming end to her Alzheimer’s. Keep writing, it is refreshingly needed!

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